Six Months Till South 한국...

I have too much time on my hands, which has its good and bad moments. The good moments are when I am sleeping, reading, listening to music, or watching my endless supply of Asian dramas (Just finished 9E20, and almost done with ToGetHer. The bad moments are when I start to think about everything and I have that moment of sadness.

Even saying that I am feeling and doing better these past few days. I know I am here till the end of February so now I just need to find things to keep me occupied. I don't want to be sitting around the house for the next few months so I am crossing my fingers once my energy goes up that I can find some kind of seasonal or temporary job to give me something to do and earn some money. Living off my mom for the next six months is something I would rather not do.

Ever since I got out of the hospital I have been avoiding everything Korean because it made me sad/mad not to be experiencing it myself but now I have been reading up and getting my mind back in order. I like learning about South Korea and reading about people's experience so why should that stop? It shouldn't and I have the next six months to learn more about South Korea and its language. I think when I didn't get to go my mind just hated everything Korean but these past few days I have been realizing over and over why I want to go and that no matter what happens or comes my way I will go and I will enjoy it and myself to the fullest!

Everything changed but that doesn't mean I cannot eventually do the things I want to do. I just have to wait a little longer and in that time period I have to make the most of it. I think I just needed to find my courage again to start the process all over again. When I get scared I think about what if's/. What if they didn't really hold my spot? What if SMOE screws up again like it did with those 100 teachers and I lose my position before I even board the plane? What if some other obstacle come into my life? When I think about those things I start to get nervous.

I just remind myself there is more than one way to get to the same road! If this is something I really want to do then no matter what happens I will find a way to do it. Like the saying goes, when there is a will, there will be a way. I just have to remember to be positive and persistent and to trust that God sees and knows my heart's desire and he will make it real for me. I am going to put my trust in God and do my best to make my dreams come true no matter what.

Haha...a semi-happy post. I am becoming myself once again and like the rain that came these past two days I am washing away my bitterness, sadness, and anger and finding my happiness and gratitude for my life and my dreams once again. My body might not be strong right now but my mind is and I will make my dreams and goals come true. Right now I am going to concentrate of getting better and once I am back to my old self I am going to hopefully find a job that I like till February, and then I am going to get on that plane and finally start the beginning of my journey.

AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!
~Lola O.~