Six Months Till South 한국...

Next Saturday is my 22nd birthday and it has made me start thinking of life in your twenties and just about growing up in general. But before I get into that I feel like God gave me a really great gift which just happens to be two of my closest friends coming in to town, one for a weekend, and the other for a while I hope. We have all known each other since our pre-teen days and it is just nice having them around. I missed them, I missed having my friends around and I am very glad to have them back.

A lot of my friends are working, traveling, getting married, or still in Tucson so it makes it hard to connect with them and they are all so busy with their own lives that I don't want to burden them with mine. It is hard meeting new people here, because I am not working or taking classes. I have all this time but I have it to myself and when you have too much time to yourself you tend to think too much and that becomes a problem. I am glad to have the people who know me well around so I can feel less alone and find those friends that I need close to home. I have to wait another week, but I am very excited to have my friend back in town cause I missed her a lot.

If I didn't have this overwhelming dream to go to Seoul then I probably would have taken the finance position I was offered and moved in with her while I prepared for law school. That would be and still is the safe option. I've been playing it safe my whole life I think...no I know it is time for me to take a risk and see where it takes me. That brings me to thinking about my life. This tends to happen to me around my birthday because I am getting older and it makes me think what have I done so far in my life and what will I do next. I just don't want to waste time chasing after things and never finding my niche in this world. I want to have a successful and fulfilling career, I want to get married and be a mom eventually in the distant future, and I want to make my dreams into reality. I want to travel to different places, experience different ways of life and doing things, and just be more than I am now.

I try not to compare myself to others for the most part because everyone has their own individual story but sometimes I look at young people who are around my age who have done so much at such a young age. It kind of makes me go wow, ummm I need to get my life together and catch up. Those kind of thought come into play once in a blue moon. I know that everyone has their own path and abilities and I just have to find/create mine. Yesterday, I was sitting in bed thinking out loud about what I am supposed to do to make a difference in this world and having no idea what it is. I am going to be 22  and I still have not figured out what I am supposed to do with my life as far as a career goes to make a difference in this world for the better.

I want to bring a little more light into this world that seems to be overshadowed by the darkness or corruption, death, lies, and the endless list goes on. There is just so much "bad" in this world and I want to bring more good into it but I am not sure of how to go about it. Everyone tells me my twenties are about discovering who I am and who I am not but it feels like a very slow process of discovery. Maybe that is due to the comfort of my environment and that is exactly why I don't want to stay here. I don't want to live a comfortable life in the sense that everything is simple and easy around me. No I want challenges, experiences, ups and downs, I want life and to be part of the living. I want to see how far I can go before I can't take another step.

I'm going to be 22 years old and I feel like if I don't take the time to explore my options I am going to end up settling for the easy and safe life and regretting never taking that risk. *Sigh* yes thinking to much seem to be an incurable disease for me...even with all these confusing thoughts running through me I feel like it is all going to be okay! One day I'm going to figure it our, figure me out, and then live the life I have imagined as my reality. I don't know who I will become in the future, and even now the present seems a bit vague but I am going to keep pressing on, making mistakes, having moments of triumphs, falling and getting back up again until it all makes sense. Until I reach that moment of infinite clarity.

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~