Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Possibility

The fact that there is a possibility is what is keeping me up at night, and when I do fall asleep it's a restless one. I keep thinking no way, this can't happen, it's impossible. But the Possibility is still there and that is why it's scary.

It's the what if that is scaring me like crazy. It creeps into my mind in the quiet moments and then I become fearful. What ifs are scary creatures that lurk in the shadows of the mind. Like a being that haunts you even in your waking hours.

I'm trying to be brave and just wait, but the what if lurks in my mind only to be met by what would I do if...

It makes me shudder to think about it, so I do my best not do. But I cannot hide from my fear of the what ifs...of the fact that there is a Possibility. Waiting to find out is its own form of torture. Waiting, as the days pass me by bringing me closer to an answer that will either set me free or bind me even more.

I won't lie and say I am not scared. I'm very scared, but all I can do is wait. So while I wait I'm going to keep moving forward and enjoying each day because no matter what happens I have to do my best, make the best of every situation, and not let the fear conquer me.

So I'm just going to keep breathing because that is really all I can do. I'm going to accept the fear and manage it. I'm going to trust in my God and believe in the future He has promised me.

I have my whole life ahead of me, and nothing is going to stop me from living it.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Peaceful

It's Saturday morning and I am drinking a cup of tea, and listening to Paolo Nutini, and it just hit me how peaceful I feel this morning. It is amazing how when your perspective and attitude changes the world around you and the life you live changes. But in reality, it's really just you that has changed. It's you that has an updated outlook on things.

That is how I feel right now, and it feels really good to feel peaceful. I have a little less than three months here, and I am trying to make the most of my time. I've finally gotten back into learning Korean, and so far have been reviewing what I know and making a study plan for the next three months. I want to take a holistic approach to my studying and do it patiently. I want to make sure I can read, write, and speak each word properly before I move on to a new topic.

My area of improvement is creating sentences. I have a hard time differentiating between a topic and object which is important to making a proper Korean sentence, oh and particles are my enemy. There are too many of them. Even so, I enjoy learning as much as I can. I really want to take classes while I am in Korea, and grasp as much of the language as I can. I don't understand when people go to foreign countries an not try to learn some basics of the language. It would in my mind make things a lot easier and make you more approachable and respected by the country's people.

I'm trying to learn essentials to living in Korea, like food names, body parts numbers, and common phrases right now. Once I master those I will do look into other topics. Hopefully, I can have a Korean study partner like I did at school. It really helped me and it was a lot of fun to hear his thoughts on being Korean.

Besides learning Korean, I am delving back into reading. There is something so peaceful about curling up with a good book and spending hours discovering a story. Since I have all this free time, I am trying to read a lot of books for fun. I'm also watching tons of dramas! ^__^ I think Asian dramas are way better than American television. I am watching What's Up Fox, Smile You, and You're Beautiful right now. I just finished Nodame Cantabile and cannot wait for the two movies coming out in 2010.

Before I felt like all this free time was a burden, but now I am treating it like a gift and trying to be productive and have fun with it. In three months my life will be filled with adjusting to a new culture, teaching, and just overall lots of new things so I am trying to stop rushing everything and just enjoy this moment in life.

December is a months filled with a lot of events for me, so it has been going by really fast. I am looking forward to 1/1/2010. A new year, new season, and another chance to create new endings. All the craziness of 2009 will hopefully come to an end by the end of this months, and I can finally start putting the pieces back together.

I'm looking forward to it!
~Lola O.~

So I was rediscovering my affection for Jason Mraz and if you haven't heard this song, take this opportunity to listen to it. I think the lyrics have a lot of wonderful meaning in them.

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