Six Months Till South 한국...

Yesterday I woke up and began to pray about everything in my life that is causing me stress and worry and then I got up and did the things I had been wanting to. Like going through my luggage for Korea, reading, and figuring out what I want to do for the next six months. It felt good and today I feel pretty good. I got a little tired as the day progressed but overall I just have a feeling of peace in mind over me.

Yes, things didn't turn out the way I planned/dreamed/imagined it would but life goes in with or without me and I need to move on as well. This is not the end of the world, only a little hiccup on my path. The other night I sat in bed thinking about my future and the kind of job I want to have after Korea. I'm someone who often wonders what my purpose is, and what can I do to make this world or even a small part of it a better place. I think as my experiences deepen I will figure it out, the job I can do to help other people.

I think I am coming to terms with everything that has happened in the last two weeks and just letting go of what should,could, or would have been. I am letting go of the ifs and buts and just accepting that life happens and you get caught off guard in moments. The question is what do you do next, give up or fight back? I am not one to give up on my dreams so I am choosing to fight. Right now I need to focus on my health and remember God's promise to me (Jeremiah 29:11), which happens to be my favorite verse and the one that strengthens me in those dark moments.

I'm too young to carry the weight of the world and my shoulders and I shouldn't have to. I'm going to do my best to utilize the next six months to get myself even more prepared for Korea and have my own little moments of self-awareness and discovery. I guess things like this are all part of growing up and shaping into the person you want to be. Each experience is one we can learn from and I have definitely learned a lot in the last two weeks.

Having all this time on my hand with no job to keep me busy is hard for me. There is only so many times you can go to the mall, library, and etc. I am glad my tv shows will start in the next two weeks and I guess I am just going to have to find creative things to do like yoga or an art class. It is like I went through those 5 stages of grief and I am finally in the last one which is Acceptance.

I'm accepting the things that happened that I could not change and moving on with my life, but not giving up on my dreams. These past few days I have been thinking about all the reasons I want to go to Korea and I know that God sees and hears me and He will make it so. I will get to go there and God will make my path smooth.

I have always believed that everything happened for a reason, but a lot of the times we don't understand or realize why it happened. It just seems so unreal that this could happen to me. But it did and I have to deal with it and get my life back together. I know God gave me a second chance at life when He made all of this happen and it just wasn't my time to get on that plane and go because if I had I might not have made it there alive. So, I am choosing like my family said to look at the positive things from this situation. I'm alive and that is the most important thing. Now I just have to get healthy and live my life. I have a lot of things I want to do in this world and I am not going to let anyone or anything keep me down including myself.

Haha...you can tell that today is a good day for me. My mind and heart feel a sense of clarity. It is like I got my faith and hope back for my life and dreams. I feel a little more like myself again. It feels good:)

Be blessed,
~Lola O.~