Thursday, October 22, 2009
Currently Listening To: Snow Patrol's "Set The Fire To The Third Bar"
When your in college everyone always tells you to enjoy it because "life after college" sucks!!! Well now that I am a college graduate I kind of have to agree with that. Life after college totally sucks right now, and I am starting to really miss the way things were in college.
I miss the fun and convenience of college. It is so easy to get together and hang out with friends, but now everything has changed. I'm sure it wouldn't have sucked like this if I hadn't gotten an ulcer and ended up not going to Korea. I have moved past the bitter and self-pity phase and am just trying to find things to do to make it through the next 4 months.
Haha...only four months to go till I finally start my "new life" in Seoul. I am ready to spread my wings and see how far and high I can go on my own. Cheesy but true. In two weeks I go to the GI doctor to make sure all is well inside and get cleared. I feel like once that happens I can finally start really living again. No more meds, no more watchful eyes, no more weakness. I am just crossing my fingers that everything is good on the inside so things can finally get better on the outside.
I have started the process of applying for SMOE again. I had to do the application and etc again but at least no interviews for me. Now the waiting begins all over again. My heart is wary this time around as if it's protecting itself/myself from being devastated again. I need to get my mojo back and feel that passion once again. That feeling of looking forward to something with all my heart. Haha...so cheesy.
So since my last entry I have been trying with no success to find a temporary job and I got a bit of a cold last week but am recovering. I still get bouts of tiredness but my energy is definitely up. My sister seems to think I am becoming a hermit just because I tend to stay home. Hermits stay home willingly...I stay home cause I have no job, money, or friends around me right now. I am trying to preserve my gas for as long as possible.
I have been writing a lot of poetry lately and I always get inspired by the wonderfulness of music. Make sure to check out http://acousticimagery.blogspot.com/ where I upload my artistic endeavors. I am really hoping to find some kind of temporary job so I can save up some money before I leave for Seoul. Easier said that done it seems...no one really wants to hire a 4 month employee right now, but since Christmas is coming I am hoping to find something.
Right now everything just feels very uncertain and that makes the future a very scary place for me. I don't really have any plans besides going to Korea. It feels like everything I knew or thought I knew has crumbled around me and instead of answers or solutions I just have questions and problems. Is this what the twenties are like? I have a long way to go before I finally feel like I have come into my own. My vision isn't as clear anymore and my destination is nonexistent. I guess I want to try just living and letting my choices take me to the next path and so on.
I am praying that in 4 months I find myself in Korea starting something new and seeing where it takes me. I'm ready for a change and that is why the mundane present tends to get to me. Everything is the same...everything but me. I am just trusting my God to surround me and make it all possible. To lead me where I am to be and help me find people who will help me along the way. I am ready to see what I am capable of. I am ready to see more of the world and be a part of it is new ways. I am ready for a risk and a challenge but I have 4 more months of waiting to go.
I made it through these past two months so I can make it through the next 4 months. I just hope I find a decent job soon.
Aja Aja Fighting!!!
