Saturday, January 2, 2010
I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me since finding out I am negative for both Lymphoma and Crohn's Disease (Praise God). It just feels like I can breathe again, and I am taking each breathe with pleasure. IDK...it feels good to be recovering and not deteriorating even more.
I still have to take the Iron medication and Prilosec for another year, but both are preventative measures. No aspirin, and lay off the caffeine as well, which are lifetime changes that I will make. I can handle all of those little details, as long as I won't have to deal with ulcers or worse for the rest of my life.
2009 was a hard year for me health wise, and I am going to do my best, listen to my doctors, and just make sure that 2010 is a year of great health. A year of little stress, lots of joy, and plenty of laughter!!
Every time I think of how in less that 2 months I will finally get to go to Seoul, a smile takes over my face and remains there all day. It feels great to be going, and I am walking in faith that nothing else will detour me from getting on that plane 2/25 or 2/26 and starting my journey in Seoul.
A lot of people don't understand why doing this is so important to me. Yeah, I gave up a great job opportunity to do this. I am pushing back going to law school to do this. Yeah, my family doesn't really understand why of all places I want to go to Seoul. If they would only ask and take the time to listen they would see that going to Seoul is just the beginning for me.
The beginning of finally being and feeling like an adult. I have been sheltered and protected my whole life that I have never really known what it means to be on my own. To make my own decisions, and just take control of my life. With my family, they are always supporting and protecting me that I never have to worry about anything.
I love them for that, but at the same time I have to go my own way, and Seoul is the start of that. Of me growing into the woman I want to be, being independent and courageous. Being someone who takes control of her life, makes her own decisions, and deals with the consequences. Going to Seoul is a chance for me to grow up, learn more about the world, figure out more about myself, embrace a different and new life, and just do something for once in my life that is all on my own.
I'm going to Seoul to find myself, create myself, discover myself, and for my own happiness. Yes, I could have chosen other places, but Seoul is where I want to be for this point in my life. It's a place that I want to discover, bit by bit, day by day, and make it my own little place of happiness. It won't be perfect, it won't be easy, but it will be an experience and I want more of those in my life.
I'm young, single, and at a point in my life when I just want to experiment and discover what else I am capable of doing. I want to see how far I can go out of my comfort zone, and be able to find the strength to endure. I need that challenge, to break out my shell of see the world in new eyes.
I told my mom the other day that every person has a journey to take, and she cannot dictate where mine goes. This is my life, and I have to go towards my happiness in my own way. Going to Seoul is all about me, and doing something just for me, so I hope she understands at least that. I hope she understands going to Seoul is what will make me happy, and if I didn't give it a try I would regret it for my entire life.
I don't want to always be a dreamer, and never try to make my dreams come true. I've spent the last two years dreaming of living and teaching in Seoul. It's about time that dream becomes my reality.
I understand her fear and concern for me, but anything can happen in this world, no matter where you are. I don't want to live my life in fear of the dangers that hide in the shadows. No I want to take a chance, and have faith that my path will be cleared of any obstacles. Coming from a Nigerian background, going to Korea for my mom is like saying I want to go to Outer Space or something that far fetched.
I really hope she will come and visit me, and see how even though the world is full of differences their is beauty in all places, good and bad as well. I'm doing this for me, and this is the first time I am doing something like this, so I just hope my family will support me and let me go with smiles on their faces.
It's about time I start living my life for me ,and seek my own happiness!
